Writer’s pains

I know why the cage bird sings, the poem of the famed, deceased poet, Maya Angelou.
So clever, so perfect.
On the other hand, I’m a bird “uncaged” timid to sing my own song.  The song is trapped in my soul I think.  That or the song is yet to be written.

Anyway, I’ve finally had a day at home, in peace after much busyness and activity.  I got worn out.  I need to recognize and accept that my need to be alone and quiet is strong.  Also strong is my need to be productive and successful with the mundane tasks of life, a.k.a laundry, shopping, making the bed, etc. is imperative to my sanity.
Thank God for the job I have as a teacher to enjoy the summer to play, rejuvenate and yes, to be busy with activities and people.  I am blessed to be able to have this time off.
I’m getting closer to going to a writer’s conference, my first, and I’m both excited and nervous.  I’m not sure what to expect and my confidence will be challenged, but a learning experience I crave.
I have done what I can with a story my friend and I wrote and now it’s time for professional intervention.  I welcome feedback, suggestions and comments.  What I lack?  Courage.  God help me!
My daughter has a show coming up.  She gets up in front of lots of people and she’s a ham, she enjoys the attention, she’s a performer.  I admire her courage.  If I could siphon some of this gift she’s blessed with I would at full strength.  I’m happy to be under the covers of my bed and comfy in my mediocrity, but no, I had to go and write a book!  These days writing a book is much different than it was in the past.  I’m no salesman, nor am I articulate when I open my mouth.  I stink at interviews and I’ve even had stage fright in front of an audience of kindergartners.
As you see, I’m afraid, but this time has inevitable come because somewhere inside me I want it to. That’s it.  I want my book to be published.  I want a literary agent to see promise in my work. I would like the title of Writer to be next to my name.  That is the truth that I’m telling the fear inside of me which heavily resists the desires of my heart. Ugh.
That is all for now.  More to come.


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