I’m cheating today, I was looking through my old blogger and happened upon this post I wrote in 2-10-2009…wow, that’s 4 years ago! Anyway, after reading it, I connected to two parts of it today, the part about dots being fun and the part about “allowing pain to complete it’s work”…I read that and thought “hmm…have I fully allowed that 4 years later?” I’ll be meditating on that today and if you see my blog template change to dots, you’ll know why. If anyone has a dot template suggestion, I’m open.
Here’s the post:
“I like the dots. Dots are fun. At this point in my life, I enjoy changing things that are small and of minimal consequence. And, I’m learning to express the fun side of myself. I think it’s been trapped underneath all these major life changes which have been on the forefront of my life for the past several years. Hopefully those are now past, at least temporarily.
I have written in journals since I was in the 6th grade. It’s funny to go back and read some of my life at that age. Ah, when life was just about the next cute boy.
Journaling for me is life giving. To document events of my choosing helps me to remember what time has brought. It helps me to realize if I’m stuck being a certain way.
There are many journals that I think about burning. Those journals chronicle painful times. I have kept these to remind myself that contrary to what the world teaches, it’s often necessary to embrace the painful times. Not to dwell there, but to allow pain to complete it’s work.
It’s in the painful times that I’ve noticed my rebellion bend or my will break. The result is a life changing event, but one which brings life, eventually.
One thing I learned is that if we allow ourselves to vent our anger that there are more emotions underneath which need to be dealt with. In my case, there was a lot of hurt, doubt, and fear underneath. Staying in the anger was giving opportunity for anger to evolve into it’s negative state: that of bitterness. Releasing anger is life-giving when the purpose is to deal with it, but it is a step to dealing with more emotions which aren’t fun either, but all in the steps of healing, of moving on.
So, I’m going to enjoy the dots on my page right now. Dots are for pause, or is that a comma. Oh well, for me they will help me to take a longer pause and enjoy being fun, even if it’s just in a little way.”