Butterflies, Jitters and Excitement

Honestly, I’m adverse to attention, so what do I do? I decide to take on the goal of writing a novel. Perhaps I won’t leap from tall buildings or ever understand Calculus, but how to write a book?  I now can say I have some clue in that area.  It is a bit weird.  Me a bookwriter.  Note*  I have yet to say, I wrote a novel. It’s too early.  Perhaps what we  (my friend Elaine and I) wrote was more of a novelette.  But you have to start somewhere!  Below is a fake cover of our book.  I don’t take credit for the picture and I haven’t even checked with my partner about this.  But, I think it’s a cool shot nonetheless.  If you read the book, a sand dollar or two could actually be listed as minor characters!  Anyway, that’s it for now, stay tuned as I participate in “Pitching” on Saturday at the Writer’s Conference in Seattle.  Wish me (us) luck!!


The “sunbrella” protects us from the elements while also giving a pleasant color to the eyes, blending in with nature, adding to the peaceful ambiance.  There, I just sold these umbrellas.  Maybe, anyway, as the days pass quickly, my excitement as well as anxiety grows for the writer’s conference.  I’m thankful that I can go and represent me and my friend and our story.  This has been a 2 year long project that will meet it’s destiny in under 4 days!  But, I’m trying to be realistic as well and understand that this is a first endeavor.  We’ve done our best and are in need of professional intervention.  That is our need and we hope to achieve that goal by my attending this conference. 

Phillip and I have made a decision about moving.  We won’t be moving until next year.  We’ve decided to focus our attention on moving our girls into their college dorms successfully, planning for their tuition and making their transition smooth.  We also decided that both Phillip and I have goals as well:  He just started a job that is busy and exhausting.  We’re happy for him to keep focused on a good start with Amazon.  And as I referred to earlier, I’m focusing on writing.  There are plenty of goals I have around this condo and with our stuff, but for the most part, I will focus on writing the story and completing it.
There, our goals are documented and life moves forward.  Though my feelings are mixed about this decision, I choose to stand confidently waiting and not being idle. 

Summer Walks

Call me crazy, but walks are very important for me as they are for my dog.  I walk along and think and at times talk to my dog, or worse, myself.  (out loud)  It’s fine if someone hears me, but better if not.  I just have a lot on my mind about the pangs of the world.  I’m not sure if I’m worried.  If I am, that’s just plain wrong and dumb.  I know God “has got this”, as my sisters say, so I shouldn’t worry, but I do think about the state of it and what the world is coming to and also that nothing is new under the sun.  God is not shocked at what He sees.  I’m sure He’s grieved, but shocked?  Nope.  But, as for me, I get shocked quite easily.  In the news a family (minus one) was brutally murdered and I can’t imagine their last moments of life.  My brain plays it again and again in trying to understand it, but I hit the pause button because I can’t go there for too long.  I should just hit the stop button, but it’s hard to just label it as murder.  Murder exist!  There I said it.  I mean what do I think that bad isn’t out there?  It’s out there and a threat, but so is God.  I need to trust in God despite the craziness of the world.  Sin does exist, but Jesus won that war.  It is finished.  The time will come because He overcame death, death on a cross.  You have a bible, just read it.  Anyway, I’m mostly preaching to myself because it bugs me that I can’t deal with it.  I can’t even deal with war because to me that is death as well.  Sure, I don’t believe that all the killing going on is murder, but all the killing going on is death.  
Well, enough on that I suppose, it’s Friday after all.  I enjoy Friday!  Thank God it’s Friday!  I say that like I’m working and I’m off this summer, so Thank God it’s whatever day I wake up!!!  And when I go back to work, I need to say, Thank God it’s whatever day I wake up!
Thank you God that you are God.

Writer’s pains

I know why the cage bird sings, the poem of the famed, deceased poet, Maya Angelou.
So clever, so perfect.
On the other hand, I’m a bird “uncaged” timid to sing my own song.  The song is trapped in my soul I think.  That or the song is yet to be written.

Anyway, I’ve finally had a day at home, in peace after much busyness and activity.  I got worn out.  I need to recognize and accept that my need to be alone and quiet is strong.  Also strong is my need to be productive and successful with the mundane tasks of life, a.k.a laundry, shopping, making the bed, etc. is imperative to my sanity.
Thank God for the job I have as a teacher to enjoy the summer to play, rejuvenate and yes, to be busy with activities and people.  I am blessed to be able to have this time off.
I’m getting closer to going to a writer’s conference, my first, and I’m both excited and nervous.  I’m not sure what to expect and my confidence will be challenged, but a learning experience I crave.
I have done what I can with a story my friend and I wrote and now it’s time for professional intervention.  I welcome feedback, suggestions and comments.  What I lack?  Courage.  God help me!
My daughter has a show coming up.  She gets up in front of lots of people and she’s a ham, she enjoys the attention, she’s a performer.  I admire her courage.  If I could siphon some of this gift she’s blessed with I would at full strength.  I’m happy to be under the covers of my bed and comfy in my mediocrity, but no, I had to go and write a book!  These days writing a book is much different than it was in the past.  I’m no salesman, nor am I articulate when I open my mouth.  I stink at interviews and I’ve even had stage fright in front of an audience of kindergartners.
As you see, I’m afraid, but this time has inevitable come because somewhere inside me I want it to. That’s it.  I want my book to be published.  I want a literary agent to see promise in my work. I would like the title of Writer to be next to my name.  That is the truth that I’m telling the fear inside of me which heavily resists the desires of my heart. Ugh.
That is all for now.  More to come.

Summer Blooms

Though the blooms of summer are here, it’s still gray and raining today.  It’s a tad bit chilly as well since the sun is buried underneath the clouds.  That’s okay, it keeps me cool.  I’m stoked about summer finally being here.  School was quickly becoming a stress-filled environment for teachers, kids, and substitute teachers.  I had become weary of it all.  But, I made it, thank God.  I’m grateful for the good paying job though and for a summer break.
Hannah has completed high school and is all ready and signed up for College life.  She will be taking her to Boise State on her birthday.  We will celebrate and I will cry as my baby turns 18 on the day she walks on campus.  
My other daughter, Bria, has worked hard this past semester and earned her high school diploma!  We’re so proud of her.  On Tuesday, she will have a portfolio review and interview with the head of the department of art at Cornish College of the Arts.  She too will prepare for school this fall.  I’m very excited for her even though our nest will be emptying.  
My girls will begin their next phase of life and Phillip and I will begin our new phase as well.  Phillip will also be starting a new position at Amazon, not too far from where Bria will attend school.  Eventually, we plan a move over to Seattle and hopefully we’ll find a rent house with a yard.  Shadow has big changes ahead of him as well.  He’ll miss the girls for sure!  
Josiah is beginning a new project with music and he’s very busy with work and being part of a band.  He’s glad and we are too that he’s busy in the music world.  
I’m excited because I will be attending a writer’s conference on the 17 of July.  It will be my first.  I’ve been editing mine and Elaine’s story and have much hope that a Literary agent will see some promise in it.  I hope to begin a new career of writing in August.  We’ll see.
I’m thankful for the life God has given me.  I feel blessed.


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